As a worker, it can be difficult to be perfect all the time. And as a manager, it can be a struggle to determine the right way to discipline employees for all the naughty little things they’ve done. A stern talking to? A warning?
Employee’s are starting to feel this doesn’t quite cut it to really ensure those sneaky errors go missing from their reports.

To find out more, we visited the staff at Cream Team Milkyard to hear what they thought.
Henry, a longtime worker, appeared to agree with the sentiment. “There was milk everywhere!” He irately told ‘The World‘ reporters on Friday afternoon, “That’s good money lost, and the milks on my hands. But the worst part is, my manager called me into her office and told me to, ‘Be more careful,’ and, ‘Take time off if you need it.’ Pardon me? With that kind of consideration I just might go and do it again! I tell you, things just aren’t the same as they were when I was young.” He finished with a dejected look down to the ground.
This conversation was the last time we ever saw Henry, and the last time we ever visited Cream Team Milkyard too.

Workers may not be happy with the light treatment they receive today, but the question remains of what is a justifiable punishment for mistakes, and how many times?
Emily and Emilio from ‘Golden and Co.’ Came to us with the answer.
“It is very simple, yes?” Emilio emphatically pronounced outside the tea room on Monday morning, “I do something wrong- something bad- come get me with one little spank. That is all I need!”
It didn’t take long for Emily to match the enthusiasm. “Yes! I can’t see why it’s so hard for managers to have a bit of backbone and give us what we deserve.”
“Don’t misunderstand, just a little spank, you see?” Emilio clarified, when asked whether he believed a boss spanking an employee publicly would ethically speaking be a reasonable idea. “It’s just a little spank, so it’s perfectly okay.”
“That’s right!” Emily cut in, “We’re not talking a big one. And it doesn’t have to be public either. In fact, the more private the better.”
Further questioning was halted as the pair began to bicker over the appropriate force of the slap, and went on to get quite physical in demonstrating on each other and those around them. This debacle was put to an end by a manager passing by and rebuking the two, but when the pair meekly apologised, they also presented their posteriors as though ready for a hand.
No hand came.

Perhaps surprisingly, this hot-topic viewpoint on punishment seems to be held in the lowest regard by managerial staff.
“Yeah. Not happening,” Felicity, a head of department at ‘Cherise’ tells our reporters. “It’s not just uncomfortable for [a boss] to treat an employee that way, but I really don’t have the time to walk the floor dishing out punishment. Instead, I hire workers who don’t make mistakes.” The interview ended there as our reporters realised the conversation was boring, and headed out onto said floor to hear out the views of the staff.
Yvette, an employee at the company for seven years, was very forthcoming. “Felicity doesn’t leave her office very much, it’s true. But it’s not true that we don’t make mistakes. Every one does, we’re human. All of us except Alvin of course.” This turned out to be the name of their experimental robotic coworker, who at that time was filing paperwork with the rest of the team. “But that shouldn’t be an excuse. When we make mistakes our only options right now are to apologise, and then fix them like its no big deal- but what we want is to feel like we’ve been naughty and that management has to teach us a lesson.” Yvette paused here to gulp down a tall drink of water, then continued her harangue, “In fact we don’t need [our manager] to leave her office, we want to prove our discipline by walking ourselves over to her. We would knock on her door, say ‘Excuse me, I filed [paperwork] under the wrong heading.’ Then we’d lean against the wall, accept our little spank- say thank you!- and be back to work all within a minute. Why is this so freaking difficult for administration to accept?”
As the interview was winding down Alvin, the robo-colleague, knocked over a pot plant with the edge of the jet-pack wings jutting out from their frame. Having no choice but to clean up the mess by incinerating it with their laser eyes, Alvin turned sheepishly to address the room.
“I-am-deeply-ashamed, beep-boop, do-forgive-me.” The robots coworkers, kind as they are, reassured Alvin that everything was fine and never to worry. Despite this, Alvin still appeared dissatisfied.
“Please, beep-boop, I-need-to-be-shown that I-am a bad-robo-boy.” At which point Alvin leant against a desk, and refused to move until one of our reporters reached out and gave the robot a bit of what it wanted. “Thank-you-sir.”

The fact that this viewpoint on workplace spanking is so widely held that even an artificial intelligence- designed to mimic the common employee in every way- reflects the same attitude, is a testament to the passion staff have for even a bit of butt-centric punishment.
The justification seems to be that with a little something to remember their mistakes by, the likelihood of repeating them will decrease drastically. In turn motivation would monumentally rise.

The people have spoken, but it stands to be seen whether their voices will be heard.
I for one, the author of this article, have made multiple typos across the drafting of this piece and know for damn sure who’s office I’ll be heading to in just a mere moment.
We’re forward-thinkers here at ‘The World.’ Don’t get too jealous.

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Authors note: In case you’re wondering, I have no regrets or concerns regarding the content of this post. But I will take any punishment that you think I deserve…