If you’re like most of humanity and struggling to understand your bipedal place in this plentiful world, worry not- there’s an easy and simple solution!

Rather than worrying all the time about your individual humanity , it helps to realise that there are tons of dumb animals out there way easier to relate to than other people.
By finding the right animal to encapsulate your spirit, you’ll gain not only a deeper insight into your human mind, but feel comfort in seeing yourself reflected in mother natures gaze.

Why this animalistic representation fits us civilised beings so well, science is yet to understand.
But what we do know is that my spirit is 100% Princess through and through.

From this list of possibilities, let’s see if we can find out yours!

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1. A Jellyfish

If your spirit is a Jellyfish, you’re probably quite translucent, and therefore easy to read. Despite this openness to your character, you can’t help but sting those who get too close.

From a distance, you’re graceful, flowy and cool. But admittedly as one of the rare creatures on this planet without a brain, you do some odd things- just one of the reasons science finds you so fascinating!

Does this sound a lot like you? I thought so.

For me though, I’m a Princess, so everything I do is graceful and also I’m really smart. I have to be, because one day I’ll be running this Queendom. I’m actually even prettier than a Jellyfish too cos I have all this fancy lacy that’s basically the same thing but not icky and wet. I hate to be icky and wet.

If you identify with a Jellyfish though, that’s great! Go you, do your thing.

2. A Stallion

Why the long face?
I’ll tell you why, it’s because you’re bold, powerful and free. As a stallion, you’re the envy of the open fields. With a glossy mane and a tight ass, you’re as ready to prance through a ball as you are to rear at and stare down your foes.

If one doesn’t want to be you, then oh boy do they want to ride you. Those you support are given confidence and calm just by being by your side.

Honestly for a bit I was like, maybe I wanna be a Stallion? But then I realised as a Princess I can have like so many stallions of my own that it doesn’t even matter. The only thing better than a stallion is the person riding it and that’s me. I wonder how many knights throughout history have really let a nasty one rip while riding atop a beautiful horse. Probably all of them. Honestly, I think about that a lot.

But hey, if you’re the stallion, that’s still cool. Well done, good for you!

3. A Grizzly Bear

As a Grizzly Bear you’re big, cuddly, and highly territorial. Your home is first in your heart, and your family with it. You have a natural strength to you, physically or mentally, and while threats loom you aren’t likely to roll over fast.
And you’re strength isn’t your only boon. When it comes to the hunt, you are patient and clever. You know the value of waiting for a fish to leap into your jaws rather than swim for it yourself.

Although clever, you may find your weakness is a sweet tooth. If you pass a big jar of honey, it won’t be long before you’re stuck head-first. But it’s worth it for that sweet, sticky honey!

Personally, I would never be so messy and yucky. I eat with my hands, elbows off the table and napkin on my lap, so I never get stuck when served a sweet dessert. This is because I’m a Princess. Bears aren’t even scary to me, because if I’m ever attacked a brave hunter will show up and chase it away and I’ll get to give them a big smoochy kiss on the lips as a reward. But that’s just me. If you’re a bear, don’t feel bad. It’s cute.

4. A Lizard

If you’re a lizard, you emit a sense of quiet wisdom. The lizard is an ancient species and you find commonality in understanding the old and the obscure. You’re not always understood, but that’s okay, because for every other person who doesn’t get you, there’s a greasy man alone in an apartment who would love to keep you in his room and have you ride around on his shoulder. In other words, you may be niche but that doesn’t mean you won’t find your audience.

Probably your skin is all peel-y too and you’ve got big eyes and a long neck. You stand in one place for long periods of time and stare at nothing.
So no, this Princess is not going to be found in your crowd. God, no. But I’ll clap my little hands for you in public for sure, I’m not rude. I’m pretty and nice. I don’t even think it’s gross that you have a crush on me because lets face it, everyone does.
So go lizards, I totally support you. Who else is going to eat all the bugs? Keep it up, your Princess is cheering for you.

5. A Rat

Ew ew don’t even!

6. A Bird of Prey

If you’re a bird of Prey, like an Eagle or Falcon or whatever, this means vigilance, quickness of action, and that you totally f*ck.
Because let’s be honest, birds f*ck. Who doesn’t know a bird that doesn’t f*ck? No one doesn’t.
Birds get down and dirty, believe me, and if you didn’t know it’s because they do it up in the sky. So look up every once in a while, you prude. Get your face out of that phone. The sky is totally one big f*ck-fest for birds and the clouds are their j**z. We all know this, if we’re in the know.
Birds of Prey also have high endurance and can last in flight for long distances. Which is not the only thing that they last at.

As a Princess, I of course wouldn’t openly associate with anything that preys on anyone. I stand for peace and harmony for all.
But once the servants draw the curtains for the night, who knows? A Princess never tells.

7. A Lion / Lioness

As the saying goes, never wake a sleeping Lion. A Lion is noble, impressive and in-control. People can’t help but watch a Lions moves, to have a sense of how to act themselves. A calm Lion spreads calm, but a Lion whose been poked… panic. The retaliation can be quick, or meditated, as Lions are known to stalk in the grass for hours, waiting for the opportune time to pounce.

They also take really long naps in sunny places and absolutely love it. Stretching out with your tummy in the air feels soooo good and as a Lion you know it. You appreciate the dreams you have of running through fields and biting into carcasses almost as much as doing it for real.

Lots of people might find Lions scary, but me because I’m a Princess, just find them adorable. I’d keep one over a house-cat. I keep begging Daddy to get me one but he says I won’t look after it properly and it’ll eat me which is totally rubbish because I’m very responsible and cute. I would give it a big rub under the chin and let it curl up at the foot of my bed. A Lion may be the King of the Jungle, but even they have to acknowledge the Princess of the People as superior. Otherwise it’d be war lol.

8. A Sea Pig

If your Spirit Animal is a sea pig that’s totally fine, very cool of you.
This creature spends all of its time at the bottom of the ocean rubbing its face in mud. But don’t worry, they only do that because the mud is where all the ocean sh*t is and they eat sh*t. They gobble it up non stop and they love it.

If that’s you, respect brother. But perhaps more importantly, the sea pig is kind of heart. They live in symbiosis with the little critters around them, carrying them when they need to travel, and overall just being a good hang.
A Sea Pig would be there for you when you need someone to help you move. When you land at the airport after a long time away, it’s the Sea Pig that you’ll meet, waiting to take you home- not any of your family.
This is why the Sea Pig has always had a special place in our hearts.

But they are kind of gross to look at, all those bloated-tentacles and the shit on their face. The way they suck up to everyone like they even know you is super weird too. And they look like fat little sacks tied together to be someones gooey little problem, no wonder they were banished to the abyssal plain.
But of course, that’s fine because as a princess I respect everyone, even suck-up bottom-feeding sea pig sl*ts! 

9. A Crab

It is said that crabs are the peak of evolution, and that all lifeforms are eventually heading the way of the crab. Hard shell, big pincers, and a side-ways hustle. It is difficult to get by these days without a side-ways hustle.
The crab is ever-reserved, but quick to lash out when threatened. From grumpy restaurant owner Mr Krabs to the musical magic of Sebastian in the little mermaid, crabs have been the subject of all sorts of imaginative ventures when humans need to throw a little whimsy into a project or onto your genitals.

So if you’re a crab-type person you may be the silent-type, but you do enough in the way you strive and survive day-to-day to inspire those around you. There may be people who desire to be just like you.

Not me though. As a Princess I am perfect just the way I am. I don’t need to turn into a disgusting crawly monster to survive the wasteland this planet is heading towards. And if the common folk do decide to evolve into crabs then all the better for me- crab meat is a favourite.
Aha ha ha!

10. A Princess

If your spirit animal is a princess then you’re pretty, perfect, and pure of heart ❤

You’re also f*cking lying to yourself because my spirit animal is a princess and if you say that’s your spirit animal then you’re just copying me- And a real princess would never do that. 

Honestly if you think you’re a princess then actually you must be a porcupine or a penguin or a little poopy to be gobbled by the sea sl*ts.
But a princess? Look at yourself, don’t make me laugh. A princess is cute, kind, and uplifting. When was the last time you did something kind? Like really think about it.
For instance I wrote an entire blog post dedicated to helping those in need figure out which animal they relate to most. That’s beautiful, and you’re welcome. It’s why I’m the Princess.

Be the Stallion! That’s a totally pretty and heroic animal. It spends a lot of time being farted on by butts- but that’s not why you would be perfect for it.
Or keep challenging me and you may as well be the crab because I will devour you with a side of lemon you sour b*tch.

So don’t make me run straight to Daddy. There’s only ever one Princess.

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So there you have it! Nine excellent and fitting choices for the common-person looking to find some meaning in their lower to middle class economic existence. Hopefully now you can picture yourself as a wild lizard, and find some sense in this desert wasteland of a world.

So go out, my enlightened followers, into the jungle with a higher sense of purpose and inner-understanding. Remembering that I, your Princess, love you very much.

Kiss Kiss!

Sincerely,
Princess Demi ❤